Every fall, when the networks launch their new shows, we start looking for the standout stars.
They're not always on the best programs. Sometimes, like with this year's just-canceled "Lone Star" from this network, they're on TV for only a couple of weeks before the networks cut their show from the lineup
James Wolk
He played Robert/Bob Allen on this new FOX show.
Not only did Wolk immediately get the starring role in this "Dallas" for the 21st century, the Texas native landed a major role in a feature film. He'll need that luck to hold up because his show got the ax so early.
Katy Mixon
She's Victoria on a new CBS sitcom.
The Florida native is a ball of comic energy as the bubbly Victoria. She's had roles on a long-running comedy and most recently in a raunchy HBO show now in its second season. But her new role is the one that will get her the most attention
Mehcad Brooks
He played Rolly Marks on an ill-fated ABC drama.
Though the new series didn't pan out, the Texas native is well exposed thanks to this ad campaign. He's best known from his work on another ABC show. But don't forget his stint on this megahit series.
Lucas Neff
He's Jimmy Chance on a new FOX show that was just picked up for a full season.
Neff never planned on being an actor (see photos), but here he is, the star of his own series. His University of Illinois application was misprocessed and he was assigned to the performing arts department by mistake. It looks like others also saw his acting potential. He recently celebrated another momentous occasion.
Sacha Dhawan
He's Manmeet on a new NBC comedy.
The British actor's credits include several BBC TV shows.
"I find myself going into auditions over here and being very British all of a sudden," says Dhawan. "It's been really nice to audition over here in America because I think the casting directors really like the whole Britishness."
Aly Michalka
She's Marti Perkins on a new CW show about cheerleaders.
The 21-year-old already found fame in the music world as part of a platinum-selling recording team. Now she's ready to leap into the acting world through this role, which also stars this former Disney actress.
Tanya Fischer
She's Zoe Waters on a new CBS legal drama.
The Wisconsin native manages to steal scenes despite being on a drama filled with larger-than-life lawyers and clients and a TV veteran.
Ellen Woglom
She's Mereta Sprows on a new NBC series.
The Nashville native has had small roles on a few other series, including a Showtime comedy-drama and a long-running teen drama. If the show can stay on the air, it will help put her in a brighter spotlight.
Heather Hemmens
She's Alice Verdura on a new CW show.
She's had small roles on a spin-off and a CBS drama, but this newcomer finally gets to make a mark with this wicked part. Bad-girl roles are always star makers
Ben Rappaport
He's Todd Dempsy on NBC's newest comedy.
After recently graduating from this prestigious school, Rappaport has his first professional job, and it's demanding. He has to be the voice of reason in a call center full of lunacy.
Showing posts with label Television. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Television. Show all posts
Monday, 18 October 2010
Rising Hollywood Stars
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Tuesday, 31 August 2010
The Top 10 Breakout Female Stars of 2010
There is a tipping point where a person stops being an actor and starts being a movie star. It's not just when someone appears in a leading role or a hit movie. It's the moment when an actor goes from being a face to being a bankable name.
For the ten young women on this list, that moment is now. Each has appeared or will be featured in a major 2010 release that not only made an impact with audiences, but also charted a course for their career. You may have see them before somewhere, but soon you'll see them all everywhere.
ROONEY MARA
Age: 25
In her first few acting jobs, she went by her given name "Patricia." But she says she never really liked it, so she started going by her more memorable middle name. This year, she nabbed her first leading role in April's remake of the horror classic "A Nightmare on Elm Street." She'll soon be appearing in director David Fincher's "The Social Network," but she really made headlines when it was announced she'll be re-teaming with Fincher for the upcoming American adaptation of the runaway bestselling book "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo."
EMMA ROBERTS
Age: 19
Born into the business -- her father is Eric Roberts and her aunt is Julia -- Emma made her acting debut at age 9 in the Johnny Depp film "Blow." She worked steadily throughout the decade in kid-focused projects like TV's "Unfabulous" and the movie "Nancy Drew." But this year found her transitioning into grown-up roles, most notably in the romantic comedy hit "Valentine's Day" (which also featured her famous aunt). She'll soon be seen in "It's Kind of a Funny Story," and she's currently filming "Scream 4."
Video: Emma Roberts in the trailer for 'It's Kind of a Funny Story' >>
GEMMA ARTERTON
Age: 24
Being a "Bond Girl" hasn't always worked out for actresses hoping to gain stardom. But Gemma made the most of her small role in "Quantum of Solace" as the doomed Agent Fields (you had to watch the credits to see that her first name was "Strawberry"). It led to major roles in two giant action movies this year: the new version of "Clash of the Titans" and the video game flick "Prince of Persia." Next, she'll play the title role in the graphic novel adaptation "Tamara Drewe."
MIA WASIKOWSKA
Age: 20
Mia is Australian, but you wouldn't know that by listening to her. In Tim Burton's smash-hit "Alice in Wonderland," she spoke with an upper-crust British accent. In this summer's independent comedy "The Kids Are All Right," she convincingly plays a typical American teen (albeit one whose lesbian parents conceived her with an anonymous donor). But it's not just her speech patterns that change. For her next starring role in director Gus Van Sant's "Reckless," she chopped her waist-length hair down to a pixie cut.
CHLOË GRACE MORETZ
Age: 13
It's not often that an actress steals a movie she's not old enough to actually see. But Chloë drew praise and sparked controversy this April as the foul-mouthed, ultra-violent Hit Girl in the R-rated comic book adaptation "Kick-Ass." She'll soon star in another boundary-pushing film; she plays an ageless vampire in "Let Me In." Currently she's working on "Hugo Cabret," the first 3D film from master director Martin Scorsese.
Video: Chloë Grace Moretz in the trailer for 'Let Me In' >>
JENNIFER LAWRENCE
Age: 20
The most critically acclaimed movie of the summer didn't have people going into each other's dreams or sparkly vampires. It was "Winter's Bone," the suspenseful tale of an Ozark teenager tracking down her bail-jumping father. Jennifer anchored the movie, and experts agree she's a shoo-in for an Oscar nomination. She has already completed work on the movie "The Beaver" with Mel Gibson, and she'll soon play the shape-changing mutant Mystique in "X-Men: First Class."
FREIDA PINTO
Age: 25
Freida made an indelible impression in a fairly short amount of screen time with her first film role in the Oscar-winning "Slumdog Millionaire." This year, the Indian-born former model gets more time to shine in a pair of films from esteemed directors. First, she plays an alluring stranger who tempts Josh Brolin in Woody Allen's latest, "You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger." Then, she'll portray a Palestinian orphan in "Miral" from director Julian Schnabel.
OLIVIA WILDE
Age: 26
For most people, a starring role in the most popular TV show worldwide would be enough. But Olivia isn't most people. After all, most people didn't hang out with Mick Jagger when they were little kids or grow up to marry Italian royalty. So after conquering TV with her starring role on "House," Olivia is ready to rule the movies as well. In December, she plays a digital warrior inside a computer world in "TRON: Legacy." And right now she's taking a break from her show to film next summer's "Cowboys and Aliens" with Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford.
Video: Olivia Wilde in the trailer for 'TRON: Legacy' >>
ODETTE YUSTMAN
Age: 25
Odette doesn't look like a 20-year veteran of the acting business. But that's because she was only five years old when she played a Spanish-speaking child in "Kindergarten Cop" with Arnold Schwarzenegger. As an adult she made a splash getting chased by a giant monster through a darkened New York City in "Cloverfield." In September, she gets to step into the spotlight with the comedy "You Again" playing the mean girl who terrorized Kristen Bell in high school but is now about to become her sister-in-law.
EMMA STONE
Age: 21
Apparently, you really can start an acting career by appearing on a reality show. Emma (or Emily, as she went by then) appeared on VH1's "In Search of the New Partridge Family" at age 15 and won a role in the sitcom remake. They only made one episode, but it did lead to more roles on TV. "Superbad" was her introduction to the movies, and she followed it with more hit comedies like "The House Bunny" and "Zombieland." Coming soon is "Easy A," where she has the lead role as a high schooler who tells a few white lies and gets branded with a bad reputation. Next year she'll take a dramatic turn in the movie version of the bestselling novel "The Help."
For the ten young women on this list, that moment is now. Each has appeared or will be featured in a major 2010 release that not only made an impact with audiences, but also charted a course for their career. You may have see them before somewhere, but soon you'll see them all everywhere.
ROONEY MARA
Age: 25
In her first few acting jobs, she went by her given name "Patricia." But she says she never really liked it, so she started going by her more memorable middle name. This year, she nabbed her first leading role in April's remake of the horror classic "A Nightmare on Elm Street." She'll soon be appearing in director David Fincher's "The Social Network," but she really made headlines when it was announced she'll be re-teaming with Fincher for the upcoming American adaptation of the runaway bestselling book "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo."
EMMA ROBERTS
Age: 19
Born into the business -- her father is Eric Roberts and her aunt is Julia -- Emma made her acting debut at age 9 in the Johnny Depp film "Blow." She worked steadily throughout the decade in kid-focused projects like TV's "Unfabulous" and the movie "Nancy Drew." But this year found her transitioning into grown-up roles, most notably in the romantic comedy hit "Valentine's Day" (which also featured her famous aunt). She'll soon be seen in "It's Kind of a Funny Story," and she's currently filming "Scream 4."
Video: Emma Roberts in the trailer for 'It's Kind of a Funny Story' >>
GEMMA ARTERTON
Age: 24
Being a "Bond Girl" hasn't always worked out for actresses hoping to gain stardom. But Gemma made the most of her small role in "Quantum of Solace" as the doomed Agent Fields (you had to watch the credits to see that her first name was "Strawberry"). It led to major roles in two giant action movies this year: the new version of "Clash of the Titans" and the video game flick "Prince of Persia." Next, she'll play the title role in the graphic novel adaptation "Tamara Drewe."
MIA WASIKOWSKA
Age: 20
Mia is Australian, but you wouldn't know that by listening to her. In Tim Burton's smash-hit "Alice in Wonderland," she spoke with an upper-crust British accent. In this summer's independent comedy "The Kids Are All Right," she convincingly plays a typical American teen (albeit one whose lesbian parents conceived her with an anonymous donor). But it's not just her speech patterns that change. For her next starring role in director Gus Van Sant's "Reckless," she chopped her waist-length hair down to a pixie cut.
CHLOË GRACE MORETZ
Age: 13
It's not often that an actress steals a movie she's not old enough to actually see. But Chloë drew praise and sparked controversy this April as the foul-mouthed, ultra-violent Hit Girl in the R-rated comic book adaptation "Kick-Ass." She'll soon star in another boundary-pushing film; she plays an ageless vampire in "Let Me In." Currently she's working on "Hugo Cabret," the first 3D film from master director Martin Scorsese.
Video: Chloë Grace Moretz in the trailer for 'Let Me In' >>
JENNIFER LAWRENCE
Age: 20
The most critically acclaimed movie of the summer didn't have people going into each other's dreams or sparkly vampires. It was "Winter's Bone," the suspenseful tale of an Ozark teenager tracking down her bail-jumping father. Jennifer anchored the movie, and experts agree she's a shoo-in for an Oscar nomination. She has already completed work on the movie "The Beaver" with Mel Gibson, and she'll soon play the shape-changing mutant Mystique in "X-Men: First Class."
FREIDA PINTO
Age: 25
Freida made an indelible impression in a fairly short amount of screen time with her first film role in the Oscar-winning "Slumdog Millionaire." This year, the Indian-born former model gets more time to shine in a pair of films from esteemed directors. First, she plays an alluring stranger who tempts Josh Brolin in Woody Allen's latest, "You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger." Then, she'll portray a Palestinian orphan in "Miral" from director Julian Schnabel.
OLIVIA WILDE
Age: 26
For most people, a starring role in the most popular TV show worldwide would be enough. But Olivia isn't most people. After all, most people didn't hang out with Mick Jagger when they were little kids or grow up to marry Italian royalty. So after conquering TV with her starring role on "House," Olivia is ready to rule the movies as well. In December, she plays a digital warrior inside a computer world in "TRON: Legacy." And right now she's taking a break from her show to film next summer's "Cowboys and Aliens" with Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford.
Video: Olivia Wilde in the trailer for 'TRON: Legacy' >>
ODETTE YUSTMAN
Age: 25
Odette doesn't look like a 20-year veteran of the acting business. But that's because she was only five years old when she played a Spanish-speaking child in "Kindergarten Cop" with Arnold Schwarzenegger. As an adult she made a splash getting chased by a giant monster through a darkened New York City in "Cloverfield." In September, she gets to step into the spotlight with the comedy "You Again" playing the mean girl who terrorized Kristen Bell in high school but is now about to become her sister-in-law.
EMMA STONE
Age: 21
Apparently, you really can start an acting career by appearing on a reality show. Emma (or Emily, as she went by then) appeared on VH1's "In Search of the New Partridge Family" at age 15 and won a role in the sitcom remake. They only made one episode, but it did lead to more roles on TV. "Superbad" was her introduction to the movies, and she followed it with more hit comedies like "The House Bunny" and "Zombieland." Coming soon is "Easy A," where she has the lead role as a high schooler who tells a few white lies and gets branded with a bad reputation. Next year she'll take a dramatic turn in the movie version of the bestselling novel "The Help."
Monday, 16 August 2010
16 Of The Worst Television Spin Offs
It’s a pretty standard ploy from television execs: once a show is even vaguely popular, take some of the characters, and give them their own series. Hopefully, the money train keeps arriving at the station, and you can keep up your habits of snorting ground mummies off transvestite midget’s asses, or whatever it is that television execs actually do. Unfortunately, for every good spin off (Frasier) there are dozens of horrible ones, ranging from the boring to the downright unwatchable. Here are some of the worst.
There’s only one show that could top this list, and it’s this mewling stillborn abomination, that starred two people who obviously hated each other. Chachi was a bad character, even on Happy Days. C’mon, putting in The Fonz’s cousin? Yeah, we’re not digging it. And then having him fall in love with Joanie, and the two go off and try to start a band. The horrible, horrible show was interspersed with musical numbers, which just served to emphasize that Scott Baio cannot sing. It had two seasons, the first of which was incredibly short, before both characters were absorbed back into Happy Days, and the show only gets remembered as a colossal blunder.
Long before Battlestar Galactica was brought back from the dead into its most recent — and really fucking cool — incarnation, there was an attempt at a spin off from the original series. Almost none of the original cast remained, instead a new crop of even worse actors were brought in. Adama now has one of the worst fake beards in existence, and the plot focuses mostly around two officers of the fleet dressing up as CHiPs, and attempting to protect some of the fleet’s children on modern day Earth. The budget was severely reduced for the ten episode show, so it manages to look significantly more dated than its predecessor. And the plot? Oh man, it makes almost no sense. The producers were saddled with weird restrictions about content, due to it being shown in a timeslot that had to be “child friendly”, so almost no violence, lots of educational material, and all the characters had to be paragons of virtue. There’s also the whole Dr. Zee thing. Turns out he’s the magic spirit baby of Starbuck and an angel, who was conceived when Starbuck was stranded on a planet with a Cylon. Wat?
Oprah deserves a special place in hell for unleashing Doctor Phil and his brand of quackery onto the general public. His advice is often so bad, it makes anyone even vaguely sensible wince. You know he’s a PhD, not an MD, right? His PhD thesis was called “Rheumatoid Arthritis: A Psychological Intervention” and he got it at the University of North Texas, where he had major issues with the faculty. He’s been brought before the Board for inappropriately hiring a patient as an employee, as well as accused of “inappropriate contact”. He made false statements about his weight loss products. He cares far more about self-promotion than he does about anyone he claims to try and help. Why anyone would look to him for advice bewilders me intensely, and I blame his fame entirely on Oprah.
Oh, Saved by the Bell. Growing up, I was sure High School would be just like that, with Hammer pants, protests, preppies, and insanely hot girls — I was so disappointed by real life. The clip art opening is so firmly entrenched in my mind, that I can probably recite from memory each object that flies by. After the incredibly successful original run, the producers tried to extend the story in two years, first by following the kids to college (which flopped after a single season), and then by having a new cast of kids at Bayside. This new series underwent constant casting changes, and generally lost 2 or 3 students every season. Somehow, this utterly bland and boring show lasted an astonishing seven seasons, and propped up the careers of Principal Belding and Screech far, far longer than they should have.
Every attempt to capture the cheesy magic of the original Knight Rider has failed miserably, mostly due to the fact that the first one wasn’t actually that good. Sure, Hasselhoff had some charm, and KITT was a cool concept, but it was campy and cheesy, even by the standards of the time. Of all the attempts to resurrect it, the worst was the late 90’s Team Knight Rider. Instead of “one man making a difference”, it was five people, and five vehicles. An SUV, a convertible, a truck, and two motorcycles. It was one of those utterly horrible medium-budget, action drama shows that polluted the airwaves during that time, usually with some minor bit of futuristic technology to make it seem interesting. One season of this large casted behemoth was enough for it to be forgotten for good.
Models Inc. was the second descendant of Beverly Hills, 90210. First came 90210, then Melrose Place, then Models Inc. The show was pure 90s distilled. Look at the hair! The makeup! The intro that looks like it should be shown on Cinemax at 2AM (do they even do that anymore, or has internet porn killed it?). Seriously, watch the clip, and tell me that it doesn’t scream soft porn. This failed drama show was about a modeling agency in LA, because, well, models are catty bitches, so drama should flow freely. Chock full of hair pulling, drugs, scandal, and sex, it still performed so utterly terribly that it got canned after the first season, even though it ended on a cliffhanger. Check it out for a pre-Matrix Carrie-Anne Moss
The Tortellis was the first attempt at a spin off from Cheers, and it’s not that surprising it didn’t take. Unlike the later, and much more successful, Frasier, The Tortellis started with a much less interesting and smaller character: Carla’s ex-husband. The sitcom was standard fare about Nick Tortelli and his impossibly attractive wife. Not only did the show tank in its ratings, but it also drew heavy fire due to the extremely stereotypical depiction of Italian-Americans. It was like a bad Family Guy skit, but prime time, and not self-mocking. It was cancelled after a lucky 13 episodes, due to consistently low viewership, 50th out of 79 shows.
The Brady Bunch had a ton of spin offs, all of which were universally deplored. They were just awful. There was the cartoon, which focused on the kids having adventures with speaking animals (Scooby Doo much?). Then the Brady Bunch Variety hour, which only lasted nine episodes. In the 80s there were a bunch of reunions, culminating in the really, really weird “The Bradys”. It had almost all of the original actors, barring Marcia and Carol, but they were all adults. It was an attempt to shift the show into a serious vein, and dealt with death, alcoholism, and romance. Given how the Bradys were originally the epitome of white-bread fun, you can understand why it only went for a half-dozen episodes.
You know what I wish Dukes of Hazzard had less of? Thrilling car chases, and scantily clad young ladies. Oh, and maybe more of that bumbling deputy, Enos. I know, we’ll send him to join the LAPD, where he’ll be partnered with a sassy black cop, who’s “jive” and whatnot! It’s brilliant! There’s no way that stripping all the good features from the show and completely changing the location will make it worse. Way to take all the charm and joy of the original, and instead turn it into a bumbling buddycop show that lasted only a single crappy season. Needs more girls in tiny shorts.
Oh awesome! A TV show about a hot mod spy, kicking ass in a miniskirt. She travels the world, under-cover, using sexy accents, and being generally awesome. Like Cate Archer meets Alias, right? Unfortunately, not quite. Unlike its predecessor — The Man from U.N.C.L.E. — the girly version wasn’t actually allowed to fight. She didn’t have kung-fu skills, or carry a gun. She had a couple of vaguely explosive gadgets, but otherwise had to rely on her feminine wiles. In other words, every episode was her getting kidnapped, being a damsel in distress, and getting rescued by her partner with the large penis, er, I mean, gun. Not quite the women’s lib sexpot spy that everyone was hoping for.
I hate to break it to you, Hasselhoff, but there’s only one reason people watched Baywatch, and it wasn’t your acting. So, instead of having a show at a beach, where lots of ladies wandered around in skimpy outfits, the spin off was about a detective agency. See how it’s called “Baywatch Nights”? Not many people wear bikinis at night. The first season attempting to do a standard detective drama show, but that bombed, and so the producers radically shifted the series. Into a paranormal investigation show. That’s right, they made it into an absolutely terrible riff on the X-Files. Look at the video above. If that’s the shitty budget that was put into the opening credits, can you imagine how little they had to use on the episodes? I’ve seen more convincing werewolves from community theater productions of Twilight.
No, not the crappy online casino, which will pay exorbitant sums for Virgin Mary toast. The Golden Palace was a spin off of Golden Girls, and by all accounts, it should have been hilarious. It had Betty White, Rue McClanahan, Estelle Getty, Don Cheadle, and Cheech Marin in it! Cheech! And they tried to run a hotel! Sure, it was missing Bea Arthur, and was shown on the Friday evening death slot, but come on! That cast is amazing. It lasted but a single season, due to revamped characters, the aforementioned bad time slot, and the fact that it was playing against the immensely popular Family Matters. Personally, I blame the writers. This could have been absolutely hilarious, given the talent they were working with. Just imagine a hotel run by the Golden Girls, War Machine and Cheech & Chong. Yeah, you know that would be fantastic.
Friends was insanely popular, right? And it was funny! So how do you capture the wit and charm of an ensemble show like that? I know, let’s take its least funny actor, change the setting, surround him with other useless actors, and hope it takes. Yeah, we get it, Joey’s dumb, good looking, and trying to make it as an actor. The whole “good looking” schtick starts to fade when you realise in the decade since Friends started, Leblanc was now 40 years old, and more than a bit pudgy. Even with the insanely rabid fanbase that Friends somehow managed to acquire, this stillborn show only lasted two seasons. Most likely due to it completely lacking in the funny, from having different writers and producers.
When MASH ended, it was on a brutally nihilistic and depressing note, and remains one of the strongest series endings of all time. Three of the actors from the show didn’t want it to end (correctly guessing they’d have no career afterwards) and so they elected to make a spin off. After the incredibly downbeat ending of the original, what better spin off than a hilarious sitcom set in a veteran’s hospital after the war, starring Klinger, Colonel Potter, and Father Mulcahy! Lasting a season and a half, it had none of the charm nor wit of the original, and it’s a bit harder to make social commentary about the horrors of war, when you’re half a world away, working at a hospital in Missouri.
Calling the original Highlander TV show ‘good’ is a bit of a stretch. It had a certain charm to it, and anything with a theme by Queen instantly wins a few cool points. But messy timelines, stilted acting, and weird accents made the original series into something only a fanboy could love. So, why the hell would they do a spin off? And why remove most of the violence and action at the same time? Instead, replacing it with two leads who obviously have no chemistry, and trying to turn the whole serious into a moralistic romance. This is Highlander! We want decapitations!
1. Joanie Loves Chachi
There’s only one show that could top this list, and it’s this mewling stillborn abomination, that starred two people who obviously hated each other. Chachi was a bad character, even on Happy Days. C’mon, putting in The Fonz’s cousin? Yeah, we’re not digging it. And then having him fall in love with Joanie, and the two go off and try to start a band. The horrible, horrible show was interspersed with musical numbers, which just served to emphasize that Scott Baio cannot sing. It had two seasons, the first of which was incredibly short, before both characters were absorbed back into Happy Days, and the show only gets remembered as a colossal blunder.
2. Galactica 1980
Long before Battlestar Galactica was brought back from the dead into its most recent — and really fucking cool — incarnation, there was an attempt at a spin off from the original series. Almost none of the original cast remained, instead a new crop of even worse actors were brought in. Adama now has one of the worst fake beards in existence, and the plot focuses mostly around two officers of the fleet dressing up as CHiPs, and attempting to protect some of the fleet’s children on modern day Earth. The budget was severely reduced for the ten episode show, so it manages to look significantly more dated than its predecessor. And the plot? Oh man, it makes almost no sense. The producers were saddled with weird restrictions about content, due to it being shown in a timeslot that had to be “child friendly”, so almost no violence, lots of educational material, and all the characters had to be paragons of virtue. There’s also the whole Dr. Zee thing. Turns out he’s the magic spirit baby of Starbuck and an angel, who was conceived when Starbuck was stranded on a planet with a Cylon. Wat?
3. Ally
When Fox decided to create a spin off of Ally McBeal, they couldn’t even be bothered to create new characters, or film new footage. Instead, they just took the cutting floor scrapings of the original show, and repackaged them for additional broadcast. So, it was still the original, with the same stories, just edited with some different footage. They cut out most of the courtroom stuff, and instead focused almost solely on relationships. Unsurprisingly, even though people were willing to watch a skeleton lawyer once a week, they weren’t willing to watch exactly the same thing shot from a slightly different angle. Only 10 of the 13 episodes were ever shown.
4. Doctor Phil
Oprah deserves a special place in hell for unleashing Doctor Phil and his brand of quackery onto the general public. His advice is often so bad, it makes anyone even vaguely sensible wince. You know he’s a PhD, not an MD, right? His PhD thesis was called “Rheumatoid Arthritis: A Psychological Intervention” and he got it at the University of North Texas, where he had major issues with the faculty. He’s been brought before the Board for inappropriately hiring a patient as an employee, as well as accused of “inappropriate contact”. He made false statements about his weight loss products. He cares far more about self-promotion than he does about anyone he claims to try and help. Why anyone would look to him for advice bewilders me intensely, and I blame his fame entirely on Oprah.
5. Saved By The Bell: The New Class & The College Years
Oh, Saved by the Bell. Growing up, I was sure High School would be just like that, with Hammer pants, protests, preppies, and insanely hot girls — I was so disappointed by real life. The clip art opening is so firmly entrenched in my mind, that I can probably recite from memory each object that flies by. After the incredibly successful original run, the producers tried to extend the story in two years, first by following the kids to college (which flopped after a single season), and then by having a new cast of kids at Bayside. This new series underwent constant casting changes, and generally lost 2 or 3 students every season. Somehow, this utterly bland and boring show lasted an astonishing seven seasons, and propped up the careers of Principal Belding and Screech far, far longer than they should have.
6. Team Knight Rider
Every attempt to capture the cheesy magic of the original Knight Rider has failed miserably, mostly due to the fact that the first one wasn’t actually that good. Sure, Hasselhoff had some charm, and KITT was a cool concept, but it was campy and cheesy, even by the standards of the time. Of all the attempts to resurrect it, the worst was the late 90’s Team Knight Rider. Instead of “one man making a difference”, it was five people, and five vehicles. An SUV, a convertible, a truck, and two motorcycles. It was one of those utterly horrible medium-budget, action drama shows that polluted the airwaves during that time, usually with some minor bit of futuristic technology to make it seem interesting. One season of this large casted behemoth was enough for it to be forgotten for good.
7. Models Inc
Models Inc. was the second descendant of Beverly Hills, 90210. First came 90210, then Melrose Place, then Models Inc. The show was pure 90s distilled. Look at the hair! The makeup! The intro that looks like it should be shown on Cinemax at 2AM (do they even do that anymore, or has internet porn killed it?). Seriously, watch the clip, and tell me that it doesn’t scream soft porn. This failed drama show was about a modeling agency in LA, because, well, models are catty bitches, so drama should flow freely. Chock full of hair pulling, drugs, scandal, and sex, it still performed so utterly terribly that it got canned after the first season, even though it ended on a cliffhanger. Check it out for a pre-Matrix Carrie-Anne Moss
8. The Tortellis
The Tortellis was the first attempt at a spin off from Cheers, and it’s not that surprising it didn’t take. Unlike the later, and much more successful, Frasier, The Tortellis started with a much less interesting and smaller character: Carla’s ex-husband. The sitcom was standard fare about Nick Tortelli and his impossibly attractive wife. Not only did the show tank in its ratings, but it also drew heavy fire due to the extremely stereotypical depiction of Italian-Americans. It was like a bad Family Guy skit, but prime time, and not self-mocking. It was cancelled after a lucky 13 episodes, due to consistently low viewership, 50th out of 79 shows.
9. The Bradys/Brady Cartoon/Brady Brides
The Brady Bunch had a ton of spin offs, all of which were universally deplored. They were just awful. There was the cartoon, which focused on the kids having adventures with speaking animals (Scooby Doo much?). Then the Brady Bunch Variety hour, which only lasted nine episodes. In the 80s there were a bunch of reunions, culminating in the really, really weird “The Bradys”. It had almost all of the original actors, barring Marcia and Carol, but they were all adults. It was an attempt to shift the show into a serious vein, and dealt with death, alcoholism, and romance. Given how the Bradys were originally the epitome of white-bread fun, you can understand why it only went for a half-dozen episodes.
10. Enos
You know what I wish Dukes of Hazzard had less of? Thrilling car chases, and scantily clad young ladies. Oh, and maybe more of that bumbling deputy, Enos. I know, we’ll send him to join the LAPD, where he’ll be partnered with a sassy black cop, who’s “jive” and whatnot! It’s brilliant! There’s no way that stripping all the good features from the show and completely changing the location will make it worse. Way to take all the charm and joy of the original, and instead turn it into a bumbling buddycop show that lasted only a single crappy season. Needs more girls in tiny shorts.
11. The Girl from U.N.C.L.E.
Oh awesome! A TV show about a hot mod spy, kicking ass in a miniskirt. She travels the world, under-cover, using sexy accents, and being generally awesome. Like Cate Archer meets Alias, right? Unfortunately, not quite. Unlike its predecessor — The Man from U.N.C.L.E. — the girly version wasn’t actually allowed to fight. She didn’t have kung-fu skills, or carry a gun. She had a couple of vaguely explosive gadgets, but otherwise had to rely on her feminine wiles. In other words, every episode was her getting kidnapped, being a damsel in distress, and getting rescued by her partner with the large penis, er, I mean, gun. Not quite the women’s lib sexpot spy that everyone was hoping for.
12. Baywatch Nights
I hate to break it to you, Hasselhoff, but there’s only one reason people watched Baywatch, and it wasn’t your acting. So, instead of having a show at a beach, where lots of ladies wandered around in skimpy outfits, the spin off was about a detective agency. See how it’s called “Baywatch Nights”? Not many people wear bikinis at night. The first season attempting to do a standard detective drama show, but that bombed, and so the producers radically shifted the series. Into a paranormal investigation show. That’s right, they made it into an absolutely terrible riff on the X-Files. Look at the video above. If that’s the shitty budget that was put into the opening credits, can you imagine how little they had to use on the episodes? I’ve seen more convincing werewolves from community theater productions of Twilight.
13. The Golden Palace
No, not the crappy online casino, which will pay exorbitant sums for Virgin Mary toast. The Golden Palace was a spin off of Golden Girls, and by all accounts, it should have been hilarious. It had Betty White, Rue McClanahan, Estelle Getty, Don Cheadle, and Cheech Marin in it! Cheech! And they tried to run a hotel! Sure, it was missing Bea Arthur, and was shown on the Friday evening death slot, but come on! That cast is amazing. It lasted but a single season, due to revamped characters, the aforementioned bad time slot, and the fact that it was playing against the immensely popular Family Matters. Personally, I blame the writers. This could have been absolutely hilarious, given the talent they were working with. Just imagine a hotel run by the Golden Girls, War Machine and Cheech & Chong. Yeah, you know that would be fantastic.
14. Joey
Friends was insanely popular, right? And it was funny! So how do you capture the wit and charm of an ensemble show like that? I know, let’s take its least funny actor, change the setting, surround him with other useless actors, and hope it takes. Yeah, we get it, Joey’s dumb, good looking, and trying to make it as an actor. The whole “good looking” schtick starts to fade when you realise in the decade since Friends started, Leblanc was now 40 years old, and more than a bit pudgy. Even with the insanely rabid fanbase that Friends somehow managed to acquire, this stillborn show only lasted two seasons. Most likely due to it completely lacking in the funny, from having different writers and producers.
15. AfterMASH
When MASH ended, it was on a brutally nihilistic and depressing note, and remains one of the strongest series endings of all time. Three of the actors from the show didn’t want it to end (correctly guessing they’d have no career afterwards) and so they elected to make a spin off. After the incredibly downbeat ending of the original, what better spin off than a hilarious sitcom set in a veteran’s hospital after the war, starring Klinger, Colonel Potter, and Father Mulcahy! Lasting a season and a half, it had none of the charm nor wit of the original, and it’s a bit harder to make social commentary about the horrors of war, when you’re half a world away, working at a hospital in Missouri.
16. Highlander: The Raven
Calling the original Highlander TV show ‘good’ is a bit of a stretch. It had a certain charm to it, and anything with a theme by Queen instantly wins a few cool points. But messy timelines, stilted acting, and weird accents made the original series into something only a fanboy could love. So, why the hell would they do a spin off? And why remove most of the violence and action at the same time? Instead, replacing it with two leads who obviously have no chemistry, and trying to turn the whole serious into a moralistic romance. This is Highlander! We want decapitations!
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